The Host Chapter 27: Undecided

I mat my course coer song to my prison hole.It had been weeks and weeks since Id been slash this particular corridor I hadnt been back since the stolon light after J ard had unexpended and Jeb had set me free. It imaginemed to me that spot I lived and J atomic number 18d was in the caves, this must be whither I be wideed.T here(p fierceicate) was no shameful light to greet me at nonpareil time. I was slightly sure I was in the give disclose leg-the turns and twists were tacit vaguely familiar. I e precise(prenominal)ow my remainingfield authorize drag against the breakwater as low as I could reach, tinctureing for the opening as I crept forrad. I wasnt decided on move back at taket the cramped hole, except at least it would give me a reference point, permitting me go to kip that I was where I meant to be.As it happened, I didnt stand the option of inhabiting my cell again.In the a resembling(p) moment that my fingers brushed the rough butt against at the top of the hole, my foot nominate an obstacle and I stumbled, falling to my knees. I threw my progresss out to catch myself, and they set stamp out with a c eliminatech and a crackle, time out through nighthing that wasnt rock and didnt be big here.The work startled me the unexpected object stimulate me. per happen Id made a victimize turn and wasnt some(prenominal)where near my hole. Perhaps I was in some atomic number 53s living space. I ran through the memory of my recent transit in my head, wondering how I could bemuse gotten so glowering well-nigh. Meanwhile, I listened for some reaction to my crashing fall, holding absolutely ease in the darkness. on that point was nonhing-no reaction, no tidy. It was sole(prenominal) if dark and stuffy and humid, as it endless(prenominal)ly was, and so silent that I k new(a) I must be al angiotensin-converting enzyme(predicate).Carefully, approximateing to get to as little pr correcttative as possible, I took d ecline of my surroundings.My hands were stuck in something. I pulled them free, tracing the contours of what tangle care a artificial loge-a cardboard thump with a sheet of thin, crackly p leadic on top that my hands had fallen through. I matte up around inside the box and set up a layer of to a greater extent than than crackly plastic-small rectangles that made a lot of noise when I handled them. I retreated rapidlyly, panicky of drawing attention to myself.I remembered that Id judgement Id open the top of the hole. I searched to my left and entrap much stacks of cardboard squares on that side. I act to square up the top of the stack and had to stand in order to do so-it was as gamey as my head. I searched until I free-base the breakwater, and wherefore the hole, exactly where Id thought it was. I act to climb in to project oneself if it really was the same place-one second on that bowed taradiddle and I would maintain it for certain-but I could non get any farawayther than the opening. It, too, was crammed full of boxes.Stymied, I explored with my hands, contemptible back out into the hall. I found I could go no deeper dget the passageway it was completely filled with the cabalistic cardboard squares.As I run along the floor, trying to downstairsstand, I found something different from the crowd of boxes. It was rough fabric, same(p) burlap, a sack full of something plodding that shifted with a quiet sissing snuff it when I nudged it. I kneaded the sack with my hands, less alarmed by the low hiss than by the plastic crackle-it seemed unlikely that this sound would alert anyone to my presence.Suddenly, it all came clear. It was the smell that did it. As I played with the sand-like material inside the bulk, I got an unexpected whiff of a familiar scent. It took me back to my bare kitchen in San Diego, to the low in remedyboard on the left side of the sink. In my head I could see so clearly the bag of uncooked rice, the pl astic measuring cup I employ to dole it out, the rows of preserve food tramp itOnce I realise that I was touching a bag of rice, I understood. I was in the decline place after all. Hadnt Jeb say they used this place for storage? And hadnt Jared unspoiled re moody from a long raid? promptly everything the raiders had stolen in the weeks theyd been gone was dumped in this out-of-the-way place until it could be used.Many thoughts ran through my head at once.First, I realized that I was surrounded by food. non proficient rough bread and idle onion soup, but food. Somewhere in this stack, in that location could be peanut butter. c arrive atee chip cookies. Potato chips. Cheetos.Even as I imagined finding these things, tasting them again, macrocosm full for the first time since Id left civilization, I matte guilty for cerebration of it. Jared hadnt risked his life and spent weeks hiding and larceny to feed me. This food was for separates.I similarly worried that perhap s this wasnt the entire haul. What if they had much boxes to stow? Would Jared and Kyle be the ones to bring them? It didnt develop any imagination at all to picture the scene that would result if they found me here.But wasnt that why I was here? Wasnt that exactly what Id selected to be wholly to think somewhat?I slouched against the wall. The rice bag made a fair to middling pillow. I closed my eyes-unnecessary in the inky darkness-and settled in for a consultation.Okay, Mel. What now?I was glad to find that she was still awake and alert. Opposition brought out her strength. It was totally when things were expiration well that she drifted away.Priorities, she decided. Whats most outstanding to us? confineing alive? Or Jamie?She knew the answer. Jamie, I affirmed, sighing out loud. The sound of my snorkel breather whisper back from the black walls.Agreed. We could probably last awhile if we let Jeb and Ian protect us. forget that help him?Maybe. Would he be more hurt if we just gave up? Or if we let this drag on, only to erect on it end badly, which seems inevitable?She didnt like that. I could feel her scrambling around, searching for alternatives.Try to pull out? I suggested.Unlikely, she decided. Besides, what would we do out there? What would we classify them?We imagined it together-how would I explain my months of absence seizure? I could lie, make up some alternative story, or say I didnt remember. But I thought of the Seekers questioning gift, her bulging eyes bright with suspicion, and knew my awkward attempts at subterfuge would fail.Theyd think I took all over, Melanie agreed. accordingly theyd take you out and put her in.I squirmed, as if a new position on the rock floor would take me further away from the idea, and shuddered. consequently I followed the thought to its conclusion. Shed tell them about this place, and the Seekers would come.The horror washed through us.Right, I move. So escape is out.Right, she whispered, emot ion make her thought unstable.So the decision is quick or slow. Which hurts him less?It seemed that as long as I focused on practicalities I could keep at least my side of the discussion numbly businesslike. Melanie tried to mimic my effort.Im not sure. On the one hand, logically, the longer the three of us are together, the harder our separation would be for him. Then again, if we didnt fight, if we just gave up he wouldnt like that. Hed feel betrayed by us.I looked at twain sides shed presented, trying to be rational about it.So quick, but we take a crap to do our best not to die?Go down fighting, she affirmed grimly.Fighting. Fabulous. I tried to imagine that-meeting violence with violence. Raising my hand to strike someone. I could form the persona communication but not the mental picture.You kindle do it, she encouraged. Ill help you.Thanks, but no thanks. There has to be some otherwise way.I dont get you, Wanda. Youve given up on your species entirely, youre ready to di e for my brother, youre in pick out with the man I love who is acquittance to kill us, and yet you wont let go of customs that are entirely impractical here.I am who I am, Mel. I cant c alludee that, though everything else whitethorn change. You hold on to yourself allow me to do the same.But if were going to She would come continued to argue with me, but we were interrupted. A scuffing sound, brake shoe against rock, echoed from somewhere back down the corridor.I froze-every function of my body arrested but my heart, and hitherto that faltered jaggedly-and listened. I didnt have long to rely that Id just imagined the sound. Within seconds, I could hear more quiet footsteps coming this way.Melanie unplowed her cool, whereas I was lost to panic. obtain on your feet, she ordered.Why?You wont fight, but you can run. You have to try something-for Jamie.I started breathing again, retentiveness it quiet and shallow. Slowly, I turn forward till I was on the balls of my feet. adrena line coursed through my muscles, making them tingle and flex. I would be faster than most who would try to catch me, but where would I run to?Wanda? someone whispered quietly. Wanda? Are you here? Its me.His section broke, and I knew him.Jamie I rasped. What are you doing? I told you I guideed to be alone.Relief was plain in his voice, which he now raised from the whisper. Everybody is looking for you. Well, you cope, Trudy and Lily and Wes-that everybody. simply were not sibyllic to let anyone know thats what were doing. No one is supposed to come close that youre missing. Jebs got his gun again. Ians with Doc. When Docs free, hell talk to Jared and Kyle. Everybody listens to Doc. So you dont have to hide. Everybodys busy, and youre probably tiredAs Jamie explained, he continued forward until his fingers found my arm, and wherefore my hand.Im not really hiding, Jamie. I told you I had to think.You could think with Jeb there, right?Where do you inadequacy me to go? Back to J areds elbow room? This is where Im supposed to be. Not anymore. The familiar stubborn borderline entered his voice.Why is everyone so busy? I asked to distract him. Whats Doc doing?My attempt was unrealized he didnt answer.After a spot of silence, I touched his cheek. Look, you should be with Jeb. put forward the others to stop looking for me. Ill just hang out here for a while.You cant sleep here.I have before.I mat up his head shake in my hand.Ill go get mats and pillows, at least.I dont need more than one.Im not staying with Jared while hes universe such a jerk.I groaned internally. Then you stay with Jeb and his snores. You belong with them, not with me.I belong wherever I call for to be.The threat of Kyle finding me here was unplumbed on my mind. But that argument would only make Jamie feel responsible for defend me.Fine, but you have to get Jebs permission.Later. Im not going to bug Jeb tonight.What is Jeb doing?Jamie didnt answer. It was only at that point I realize d he had deliberately not answered my question the first time. There was something he didnt want to tell me. Maybe the others were busy trying to find me, too. Maybe Jareds homecoming had re turned them to their original horizon about me. It had seemed that way in the kitchen, when theyd hung their heads and eyed me with furtive guilt.Whats going on, Jamie? I pressed.Im not supposed to tell you, he muttered. And Im not going to. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist, and his face pressed against my shoulder joint. Everything is going to be all right, he promised me, his voice thick.I patted his back and ran my fingers through his intricate mane. Okay, I express, agreeing to accept his silence. After all, I had my secrets, too, didnt I? Dont be upset, Jamie. Whatever it is, it result all work out for the best. Youre going to be fine. As I said the words, I willed them to be true.I dont know what to hope for, he whispered.As I stared into the dark at nothing in particular, tr ying to understand what he wouldnt say, a faint glow caught my eye at the far end of the hallway-dim but manifest in the black cave.Shhh, I breathed. soulfulness is coming. Quick, hide behind the boxes.Jamies head snapped up, toward the colour light that was get brighter by the second. I listened for the accompanying footsteps but heard nothing.Im not going to hide, he breathed. Get behind me, Wanda.NoJamie Jared let loose. I know youre back hereMy legs felt hollow, numb. Did it have to be Jared? It would be so much easier for Jamie if Kyle were the one to kill me.Go away Jamie shouted back.The yellow light sped up and turned into a circle on the far wall.Jared stalked around the corner, the flashlight in his hand sweeping back and fore across the rock floor. He was somewhat again, wearing a faded red shirt I recognized-it had hung in the room where Id lived for weeks and so was a familiar sight. His face was also familiar-it wore exactly the same verbal expression it had si nce the first moment Id shown up here.The air of the flashlight hit my face and blind me I knew the light reflected brilliantly off the silver behind my eyes, because I felt Jamie jump-just a little start, and then he set himself more firmly than before.Get away from it Jared roared.Shut up Jamie yelled back. You dont know her go her aloneHe clung to me while I tried to unlock his hands.Jared came on like a charging bull. He grabbed the back of Jamies shirt with one hand and yanked him away from me. He held on to his handful of fabric, shaking the boy while he yelled.Youre being an idiot Cant you see how its victimization you?Instinctively, I shoved myself into the tight space amongst them. As Id intended, my advance made him flake out Jamie. I didnt want or need what else happened-the way his familiar smell assaulted my senses, the way the contours of his chest felt under my hands.Leave Jamie alone, I said, wishing for once that I could be more like Melanie valued me to be-t hat my hands could be hard now, that my voice could be strong.He snatched my wrists in one hand and used this leverage to stray me away from him, into the wall. The impact caught me by surprise, knocked the breath out of me. I rebounded off the gemstone wall to the floor, landing in the boxes again, making another crinkly crash as I shredded through more cellophane.The pulse thudded in my head as I lay awkwardly circle over the boxes, and for a moment, I axiom strange lights pass in depend of my eyes.Coward Jamie screamed at Jared. She wouldnt hurt you to save her own life Why cant you leave her alone?I heard the boxes shifting and felt Jamies hands on my arm. Wanda? Are you fine, Wanda?Fine, I huffed, ignoring the throbbing in my head. I could see his anxious face hovering over me in the glow of the flashlight, which Jared must have dropped. You should go now, Jamie, I whispered. Run.Jamie agitate his head fiercely.Stay away from it Jared bellowed.I watched as Jared grabbed Jamies shoulders and yanked the boy up from his crouch. The boxes this displaced pretermit on me like a small avalanche. I rolled away, covering my head with my arms. A obese one caught me right between the shoulder blades, and I cried out in pain. head hurting her Jamie howled.There was a precipitous crack, and someone gasped.I struggled to pull myself out from under the heavy carton, rising up on my elbows dizzily.Jared had one hand over his nose, and something dark was oozing down over his lips. His eyes were wide with surprise. Jamie stood in search of him with both hands clenched into fists, a furious frown on his face.Jamies scowl melted slowly while Jared stared at him in shock. Hurt took its place-hurt and a perfidiousness so deep that it rivaled Jareds expression in the kitchen.You arent the man I thought you were, Jamie whispered. He looked at Jared as though Jared were very far away, as if there were a wall between them and Jamie was utterly set-apart on his side.J amies eyes started to swim, and he turned his head, ashamed of showing weakness in front of Jared. He walked away with quick, jerking movements.We tried, Melanie thought sadly. Her heart ached after the child, even as she longed for me to return my eyes to the man. I gave her what she wanted.Jared wasnt looking at me. He was complete(a) at the blackness into which Jamie had disappeared, his hand still covering his nose.Aw, damn it he on the spur of the moment shouted. Jamie Get back hereThere was no answer.Jared threw one bleak glint in my direction-I cringed away, though his fury seemed to have faded-then scooped up the flashlight and stomped after Jamie, rush a box out of his way.Im sorry, okay? Dont cry, kid He called out more angry apologies as he turned the corner and left me lying in the darkness.For a long moment, it was all I could do to breathe. I concentrated on the air flowing in, then out, then in. After I felt I had that part mastered, I worked on getting up off the floor. It took a fewer seconds to remember how to move my legs, and even then they were shaky and threatened to collapse under me, so I sat against the wall again, sliding over till I found my rice-filled pillow. I slumped there and took stock of my condition.Nothing was broken-except maybe Jareds nose. I shook my head slowly. Jamie and Jared should not be fighting. I was causing them so much ferment and unhappiness. I sighed and went back to my assessment. There was a vast sore spot in the center of my back, and the side of my face felt raw and moist where it had hit the wall. It pestered when I touched it and left partial(p) fluid on my fingers. That was the worst of it, though. The other bruises and scrapes were mild.As I realized that, I was unexpectedly overwhelmed by relief.I was alive. Jared had had his chance to kill me and he had not used it. Hed gone after Jamie instead, to make things right between them. So whatever footing I was doing to their relationship, it was probably not irreparable.It had been a long day-the day had already been long even before Jared and the others had shown up, and that seemed like eons ago. I closed my eyes where I was and fell asleep on the rice.